You Never Stood a Chance: (500) Days of Summer //
Face it- you knew it was over before you saw the movie. You were probably on a date, thought The Ugly Truth was probably a little tired (it was), and said to your girl- “Hey Toots- how’s about we check out 500 Days?”
That’s when you lost the battle and the war. Because you can’t stop heartbreak at an indie movie, you can only hope to contain it.
It was an overwrought film. Brooklyn sales of the flick surely did well, fueled by our borough’s infatuation with small movie awkward crush (and “The Happening” star- Ha!), Zooey Dechanel.
It’s a smart, well thought out, challenging movie that is doomed to become the indie “Garden State.” It’ll be that 2010 ‘Coffee table’ movie that people make sure is in plain sight for all future house party guests to see. Please be sure to compliment the party thrower on having such an awesome movie that you didn’t see, but heard was really good. Thanks for this, Brooklyn. Happy pontificating.
Anyway! Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a doughy-eyed Jersey Boy who is wasting his life writing greeting cards and falling in love with Gertrude van Nistleroy, even though he has the brains of an architect, or something. Summer spends her time doing what most girls who are accustomed to guys liking them spend their time doing- being candidly open about her fear of affection, and in short, finding ways to destroy a perfectly good relationship. Only an indie girl could pull this off with such a lack of charisma, surgically precise indifference and charm that will melt your common sense away. All the while, Joseph Gordon Jesus insists on doing, umm- you know, the right thing, by being the logical, lovable, rational voice in the relationship. You know where this is headed.
Sadly, this is where we all lose, male and female alike: Because as love has previously suggested- you can’t act rationally with someone who is defined by irrationality. Put that in your moleskine, South Slope/Williamsburg. I can see that tatted on some alt-girls neckline right now.
For guys, you’ll spend a good 60 percent of the time hating Zooey’s character for being so typical. You’ll spend the other 40 percent hating yourself for falling terribly in love with her.
This is the dichotomy of Zooey Dechanel.
There’s one scene when Zooey croons a line for ’The Smiths- There is a Light That Never Goes Out. The entire male audience in the theatre never saw it coming and we didn’t stand a chance. Not Fair.
That’s it. It’s not a love story. It’s a vapid, true-to-life take on how relationships work when one person believes in love, and the other believes in anything.
4 months ago • 0 notes